5/ the day i wake up

We are all busy in a massive distraction

We are all busy in a massive distraction. Most of the things we do really don’t add to our lives or do not square with why we are here. As Richard Rudd from the Gene Keys says: 50% of humanity doesn’t have a mobile phone, they are still “distracted” with surviving, while the other luckier 50% are busy with mortgages, paying bills, trying to have fun, etc.

The question is why am I really here? And who am I really? These are the questions that have been haunting me. In meditation, I feel a deep peace and acceptance with however things are right now. There’s no need to go or do anything, to see anybody or to create something - though there is a deeper understanding that big things can be created from that place of stillness. Not on my (mind’s) terms but from a place of surrender.

So why am I here? And who am I, the same question really, is in my opinion the most important question to be answered during our lifetimes. It's admittedly a difficult question but without trying to answer it, I am running around blindly in life. It’s a bit like jumping onto a random train and seeing where it goes. That can be fun but when you get to the last stop and life is over you can’t keep anything you have created and so the question becomes why was I here?

One answer could be to live fully and to make the most of the time on this planet. But I’d ask again, to what end? And then what? I still can’t take any of these experiences or people or things you have created or built with me. So it would imply it’s just about having a good time. Yet by trying to have that good time, most of us suffer a lot on the journey because we are so worried about not having a good time or not making the most of it. Life really is quite exhausting that way. Always chasing the next high, the next thing.

Another way to look at it is to ask myself how I want to feel, and I guess the vast majority of us would say: I want to be happy, I want to feel good. Then the question is: How can I make sure that I feel good all the time? I can’t control what is happening outside of me, the people around me, the world, the weather, so no matter how smartly I navigate life, it’s an uphill battle and therefore suffering along the journey is a given because I will constantly be disappointed by life no matter how well I am doing.

Knowing that, I could look at what gives meaning to life, and I think we feel the biggest meaning when we help others. This is the reason successful people turn towards philanthropy towards the end of their lives because they got seemingly everything but still don’t feel they have arrived, there is still no peace in them. So if giving is really the most fulfilling then I ought to start giving now, today.

And in fact, I think this is one of the most important insights that what I want to feel and receive I need to give. I want to feel love? That means I need to love people and I will feel love. Not because they love me but because I love them. I want to feel meaning, do something that gives meaning, that changes other people’s lives? Not because it makes my ego and self feel great but because it touches my heart, it lights my heart up, because I am serving a bigger purpose than just myself.

I think now we are getting closer to what life is about: It’s about being bigger than myself, or rather serving something bigger than myself. There’s imho no escape from moving beyond the self because the self is never satisfied. The self is also a mental illusion. It’s not who I really am. Vincent who is typing this is a construct of the mind, a psychological construct conditioned by the experiences in his life.

This Vincent is hungry for more of everything, money, fame, things because he feels insignificant in this world without it. But that is just his mind playing games with his true self. The true self I meet deep in my meditations and it is always here, whether or not I meditate. So I am really here to overcome this illusion of who I think I am, this egoic construct of who Vincent thinks he is, overcoming my self-limiting self to wake up to my true self.

This Vincent, this illusion is really here so I can discover my true nature by recognising that Vincent is an illusion. I need this limited Vincent so that I can discover my true self. How beautiful is that? And my true infinite self that always is doesn't have any cravings or attachments, it doesn't need to become someone because it already is.

I am pure awareness and I always have been and will be. Just like everybody of us. We are universal consciousness limiting ourselves through a finite body and mind, so that we can discover and wake up to our true nature which is pure awareness and which anyone of us can meet in deep meditation any day, meeting your real self.

And the moment I realise, I experience that this is true, there's nothing that needs to be done, achieved or added to my life, and I and my soul are free to just be present to what is, to be in awe with life and how every day unfolds, full of wonder and able to love everybody unconditionally serving them with my gifts without needing anything in return.

And that's when I wake up to the freedom, bliss and full authentic expression I have been seeking all along, that we are all seeking all our lives. And that is the day I wake up from this dream and I am truly born free.