How often do we find ourselves in indecisiveness, whether it is what should I pick from the dinner menu or whether it is should I marry him or her? Decisions can be agonising and drag on for years or even decades of matters unsettled in the mind. Whenever there’s indecisiveness, there’s suffering as I cannot progress with and enjoy life.
I can delay the decision but that doesn't really work, procrastination just adds to the suffering, it just drags it out. How beautiful would it be if I never really had to make a decision because I am so clear that I always know what to do? Is that an impossibility, a fantasy? I don’t believe so and I’ve been on that very journey trying to get to that place.
I am most certainly not there yet and all kinds of matters keep popping up or continuing to be present in my life. Me looping in them is not just annoying but weighing down on the quality of my life because they seem to be present all the time, they pop up as thoughts when I am in the shower or trying to enjoy lunch. These thoughts…
I’ve become better at letting them pass and not jumping on those trains of thought but because they are never really gone they keep taking me out of presence and make it hard to enjoy the moment and be happy.
What’s the solution? The only way I know to get out of this is to sit myself down, become very still meaning no distractions or escapes, and stay there until I’m so fed up with it that I put my foot down and take a stand, that I become clear about the matter and choose a way of being that feels true to me. No more running away.
It's grounding myself until I am committed to a higher way of being. Sitting still lets me work through the myriads of stories that play up in my head about who I am, need to be, want to be, could be, and all the blah blah and thereby helps me sort myself out and get clear. Silence reveals to me the deep-seated truth of who I am and how I want to show up in the world - and as the chattering mind starts fading away, clarity arises.
The awareness bit, that’s the first step. The second step is a little harder. It is for me to have the courage and commit 100% to this way of being, that means becoming so clear and coherent in who I am that whenever I am presented with a decision, whether to turn left or right, what to eat, how to spend my time and with whom, whether to take that job or not, who to spend my life with, how to prioritise my day, to choose freedom over money or not, there is a place in me where all things are clear.
The hard part of this second step, the embodiment bit, is to have the continued courage to choose integrity and authenticity 100% of the time over what feels easy, convenient or what other people do - not to fall by the wayside by temptations to take the path of least resistance.
I am no longer drinking because I realise that it is not in alignment with who I want to be, it takes me away from my journey, from what is important to me and it is a distraction. So I gradually drank less and less until I was seeing someone that didn’t drink at all and I said, ok, let me drop it completely and that was it.
This obviously leads to a very different social life and that is okay because it is who I have become and how I want to show up in the world. When you become clear about who you are, you adjust because the price of not being yourself is too high, it creates suffering because I then have to play and do someone else. Unconsciously or not.
That is the power of knowing who I am and my way of being simply becomes an expression of that and so do decisions. It doesn’t mean it’s always easy because there are tough decisions in life and that's exactly why it is so important to sit down to become still and then clear about who I am.
Because once I am 100% clear, no temptation will take me off my path and I can flow through life without agony about whether to go “left or right.” From that place, I am no longer compromising who I am, no matter what’s on offer. I am standing on solid ground. And so I am sitting still while the nagging mind keeps saying: “Hey, you gotta do, everybody else is doing, you are falling behind.” But I know that that’s bulls**t and the mind creates a lot of it.
When I am in total inner alignment with myself, things are so clear, that not only I move quickly and decisively but everything starts falling into place because clarity is powerful and it attracts the very people and things into my life for it to unfold in the most magical way.
Clarity is priceless. I can run around all day like a crazy man doing, doing, doing but not knowing why I am doing whatever I am doing and whether it gets me where I need to go. Or I can sit still, patiently, until I am so clear, that I just walk straight down the road that I need to walk down.
That’s the choice I have and once I see it as such, it becomes a choice-less choice, it becomes clear what needs to be done. And so I am grounding myself until I am.
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