Nothing really matters. At least not what I think, what my mind thinks matters. A radical statement. And yet, in my meditations, that's how I feel. My mind is a beautiful storytelling machine. It continuously creates stories around who I am, what I need to do, say and be. But they are just that, stories.
I get attached to those stories and I get sad or angry when those stories don’t come true, whether it is in my career, success, relationships, money, ... But when I meditate, my thoughts subside and I am just with myself in a pitch black space of nothingness, none of this matters.
It doesn’t matter whether I am at next week's party, Burning Man or this cool dinner. I might or might not go to them but it doesn't matter. Many of these gatherings no longer feel conducive to my life as they are mostly alcohol or substance-driven get-togethers of pleasure seekers.
There's nothing wrong with that, I have attended such events for two decades of my life but whether I am there or not doesn’t change my life. My life will be different, as I will make different experiences, meet new people and reconnect with friends and maybe even meet my future wife. And it doesn't matter. I am looking forward to the day I meet my future partner and if I don’t or things play out differently, that’s fine too.
I am completely surrendering to life because I am realising that nothing really matters. No matter what I have or don’t have, my life won’t be better or worse because of it. Whatever I do or have, I always want more but it ultimately never makes a difference in how I feel.
When I am sitting in meditation, it doesn’t matter where I am, it doesn’t matter whether I have a nice view, a beautiful kitchen, a garden, lots of money, a beautiful girlfriend, I am in the nothingness and it's calm, quiet, serene.
There is nothing to be achieved or done and nothing is missing. It’s peaceful, it’s beautiful, it's perfect. And when I come back from nothingness, and I open my eyes and look into the world, it still doesn’t matter. And when I get up, it still doesn’t matter.
I enjoy seeing friends, meeting people and exchanging ideas, in fact, it lights me up. That’s why I love writing these bursts of consciousness. It comes natural to me, it’s effortless. I am not fighting to create the life I want, instead, I am living it. Life is happening right now and it is perfect because I am fully present to it.
When I wake up in the morning, I am curious as to how the day will play out, what will happen, who will I interact with, what realisation will come to me and what will I do. I am open and free from expectations attached to how it might unfold. And so the day will be good because I am curious, present to what is and in awe of life and the experience itself. I am detached from the how and what.
I know from observing myself, that when I have certain things or experiences vs. when I don’t have them - there is no difference. Meaning whether I am at this cool event or not, my life is just as good, maybe even better because I won’t have a hangover.
I am not saying I don’t like to go to social events, build a business, get married or have a family. These are all wonderful things. But it doesn’t matter whether or not and how I have them, because life is wonderful and full of surprises no matter what is.
Life is about evolving. There is something to learn every day, especially when there is pain. That’s the journey of life, me not getting attached to a specific journey or outcome, which is what creates attachment to a different life and all the suffering as a result - instead I am open, in awe, wonder, joy and gratitude for whatever unfolds around me. Not forcing but surrendering.
From this place of calm, peace and presence, anything is possible. Because I am no longer married to a specific outcome or future, I can authentically express myself. I am writing because I enjoy doing it and there seem to be some people like you who enjoy reading it. And who knows what happens next? Who knows who comes into my life as a result and where it leads to?
After decades of running after a certain life, wealth and outcomes I am, for the first time in my life, in a place of peace and serenity and could not be more excited about what life will bring and what I will be creating from here.
I have no idea what it will be but I know it’ll be fun and exciting because I am just being myself. And I am realising that this is a very powerful place to be because life wants me to be my true self, authentically expressing my uniqueness. And when I surrender to be that, magic can happen.
What life would you create if nothing really matters?
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