I can’t make any mistakes. This unconscious belief has kept me in bondage for most of my adult life. Only now do I understand how powerful these subconscious beliefs are and how they have been driving my decisions, behaviour, feelings and actions in small and big ways and every aspect of my life.
I can’t make any mistakes and the fear of failure. I now know where they stem from. Because the conscious Vincent cannot relate to them. I have taken many risks and made many mistakes in the process and I now laugh about them or I appreciate that I had to make them to learn what I needed to learn.
So where does this I can’t make any mistakes come from? I am certain it originated from the divorce of my parents at age 16. It happened suddenly and unexpectedly. It turned my world upside down much more than I realised. It was very painful for me at that time but really it has been life-changing to this day.
I can’t make any mistakes originated from the “learning” of the divorce of my parents. Because what teenage Vincent learnt there was that if I make a mistake, the world comes crashing down. The divorce of my parents more than crushed my external world, it ripped me apart inside without me even realising it. The mind and body create coping mechanisms.
My parents represent the masculine and the feminine inside of me. One being logic, drive, focus, reason and mind and the other being empathy, understanding, connection, heart and love. When both of them are united and act together, I am a complete, powerful and balanced human being.
Yet when they are disjoined, I have two sides competing with each other, that are pulling me in different directions, leading to indecisiveness, lack of clarity and as a result stuckness. Stuck because I don’t know whether to go right or left, to listen to reason or heart.
The masculine is usually more pronounced in men and the feminine in women but all of us have both, except for psychopaths who lack empathy completely (and that’s how you know when you are having one in front of you).
When the two are balanced and connected I go through life with clarity, decisiveness, reason, love and understanding. I express and embody both of them in a united way. There’s just one of me inside instead of two competing halves.
And as I am healing that wound from the divorce some thirty years later, I am bringing the two lost halves of myself back together so I can return to being my most beautiful and empowered self. Healing is a labour of love and patience and it is the work of a lifetime.
If you are interested in a conversation around any of these topics, a specific situation or life in general, just hit reply and message me. There are no conditions or expectations, just that you bring your whole self to the conversation and come with an open mind and heart.
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