“This is my secret. I don’t mind what happens.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti
Two months of meditating twice daily have left their mark. I’m much calmer and my continuously present worries about money and what to do with life, wondering where my journey is taking me, are quieting down. I’m finally arriving at a place of peace where everything is “perfect” the way it is in the sense that I don't need anything to be different.
I’m excited about where this will lead me and I’m no longer concerned about it. I’m just doing my work which I am now fully embracing as my work, and it is work, which is meditating, quieting the mind, reflecting from a place of calmness, gently letting the ego fade into the background and be open to whatever arises from that.
And my body is reflecting these mental changes. My sleep according to my Oura ring has never been better. I am spending extensive time in deep sleep, my heart rate is lower than ever (dropping below 40) and my HRV (heart-rate variability, higher is better) is averaging 80ms at night spiking up to 120ms. These values are nearly twice as high as just a few months ago — indicating vitality and well-being (see screenshots below).
It is a result of dropping into a relaxed state with less chatter, more presence and calm. There is no more anxiety. I’m being able to tackle subjects that I previously avoided or procrastinated around because I am no longer worried about the outcome. Detachment is happening.
My coach previously told me that this is a journey and it will take however long it takes (in her case she likes to say it took her twenty years). So whenever I wondered when do I finally get clarity, she said it’s in the body and "it’ll take a minute." And now it is happening much faster and more sudden — when I least expected it.
It is happening exactly because I’m no longer trying hard or being attached to achieving it. All I am committed to is showing up to my meditations and doing the self-reflective work and leaving everything else to take care of itself. I am in surrender.
I’m recognising the fundamental truth in this process that things take care of themselves, there is a natural progression that is unfolding that is beyond my mental understanding. Things fall into place much more powerfully than my mind could ever think them up or control them.
So I’m sitting back as I’m typing these words wondering what amazing things will unfold next. All from a place of wonder, awe and openness rather than, how it used to be, from a place of expecting and wanting to arrive. Once again it strikes me that life is full of magic and nothing like I thought it was.
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