If you have not read the previous episodes, please start here (36/ drinking ayahuasca, again) for context.
Tonight is the fourth and last time we are drinking Ayahuasca. Of the four phases of life, it is the phase of relaxation. We will also be drinking a smaller amount than the night before.
Tonight was the most incredible night. I was a much shorter time under the influence of Ayahuasca. I think it subsided after three hours - though perception of time is distorted. My body got a complete makeover. Ayahuasca is a powerful plant that not only contains the psychoactive substance DMT but is also a strong healing agent for the physical body. They say whatever is in your body that doesn’t belong there will be gone after.
After the healing, I started navigating the spiritual world which I realised is always around us.
This was the most powerful night of my life (even more than the previous two, one building up on top of the other). Also the most beautiful and humbling one. Mother Ayahuasca not only healed and did surgery on my body but I started ascending to higher realms, the spiritual world, experienced other beings - and how they were watching me - and knowledge was conveyed to me - like that the universe is fully fractal. What I need to do in life became even clearer.
This night I didn’t purge (throw up), I didn’t feel unwell, my stomach was fine (a lot was happening during the previous nights) and despite three nights of little to no sleep, I feel good.
After the trip, I stayed wide awake with my mind processing what it just had learnt, the experience, implications and actions to be taken. Including inviting my family to spend time with me in Portugal. My body kept being worked on for many hours into the early morning. I moved through the ceremony by leaning back and enjoying the journey, with no fear, no controlling, just letting God and Aya showing me what I needed to see.
It was mind-blowing. That state of grace and gratitude I was experiencing kept me on an emotional high up until sunrise. I walked out of the dome with a fellow participant who also got up early to bathe in the rising sun (see picture below). We had a beautiful conversation. Profound experiences like these connect people deeply without the need for many words.
The biggest gift I received tonight was the faith and the unshakable conviction that what I am going to work on, the rather big project I became clear on over the ceremony nights, is going to be built and will touch many people. Everything is in place for it to succeed. It’s not an intellectual knowing, how could I know how things will play out, it’s a deeper knowing, a knowing that this is the time and the place and everything that came before was leading up to exactly what is about to happen next.
I stayed awake until sunrise reflecting on the potential gravity of what I am embarking on. While two people were snoring so loud that even my head would finally quiet down, I could not sleep. Sometime in the early morning, I see Nader awake and I call for him to share my plight with the snoring. He tells me to try to sleep on the ear. I say: I’m already using earplugs. He says: Then just accept it.
And of course, he’s right. I can’t do anything about it and I can’t leave the dome before sunrise so just make peace with it, surrender. Here right now is my lesson as I was for a brief moment already moving out of surrender again. As I shared yesterday: Life doesn’t give us what we want but what we need. This was a beautiful example of just that.
After we close out the ceremony, we have a sharing circle, breakfast and move to a seaside town for two days of integration back into the real world before going home.
I see Ayahuasca, other plant medicines and psychedelics generally taken in the right context and with the right intention, not as creating hallucinations but rather letting our senses and mind tune into a different frequency, like switching the channel on a TV, and thereby perceive a wider spectrum of reality that we normally do not have access to. This allows us to raise our understanding of life, our journey, our learnings and self-awareness. It’s an intense and equally potent tool to find answers to the very questions we ponder daily.
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